hello 2014!

i am a little sad to say bye to 2013. 2013 has been kind to the carlsons. more than kind. 2013 has been an explosion of happiness in a way that we could have never even known to wish for. actually, to be honest, i am a little afraid to leave 2013 because it has been so great. the arrival of alexander brought husband and i joy that has been indescribable. sure, there have been a few marital spats here and there (no really, more than a few, we're not perfect here), and yes, we are still in the midst of dealing with the fallout from a crook of a contractor (that makes my jaws clench just thinking about it), but, motherhood, and alexander, and seeing the husband embrace fatherhood has satisfied me in a way that leaves me so full and yet craving more at the same time. in 2013, i have felt sated with life, so sated that i would feel guilty wanting any more out of life. now if only i could find the "pause time" button...

yet here we are, day one of 2014, and the champagne glasses* are sitting in the sink waiting to be washed after the ceremonial clink (at 12:01 a.m. because we were too busy looking at old pictures and videos of alexander to notice that midnight had struck). they remind me to toast to the things to come - to look forward with hope, and with an openness to receive all the good (along with the not so good) things that await us this year. upward and onward as the saying goes. and in this 2014 adventure onward, i sense exponential happiness on the horizon even as we leap from the great known happiness of 2013 to the yet to be defined 2014. BUT 2014, the carlsons are ready for you...mostly. so happy new year from our family to yours! may 2014 be the best year yet!

*champagne glasses filled with sparkling grape juice because...baby carlson #2 due july 2014. hear, hear to exponential happiness!*

you'd think we needed to call poison control

on saturday, alexander turned five and a half months. now before you think i am one of those crazy moms who celebrates insignificant milestones, i just want to say two things: first we did not celebrate alexander turning five and a half months, we just used that date as the rough time around which we would introduce solids. and second, we celebrated alexander turning one month old by lighting a match that we stuck into a brownie square. and we took a picture, so just in case future babies feel like we love them less, we can show them just how much or little rather, fanfare alexander received. so anyways back to five and a half months. the time has flown. look at my baby at five and a half weeks and now at five and a half months.

on friday, i went to trader joe's and brought my scrunchy bunny an acorn squash. i spent part of nfl sunday roasting that thing and puree-ing it - i missed part of the redskins game, which it turned out, i didn't really need to stay and watch anyway. here is a chronicle of our first try at "solid" food.

*proud pureed squash maker and clearly a first time mom. check out that serving size!*

*a giddy alexander sitting at the grown up table, pre-squash*

*post squash GAG! he's thinking, "someone call poison control, my parents are trying to off me"*

*please mommy, no more squash. please."

the nanny diaries

today, alexander met his nanny, we call her miss lulu. she came a week before i go back into the office so that we could sort of play a game of shadows. she shadowed me to see how i like things done, and what schedule we keep him on, and i shadowed her, like one of those nanny cams, but only super visible. to be honest, it was sort of lovely. i had the chance to run out to the bank, and only had to grab my wallet. when was the last time i did that? and i was able to put dinner together without but one nursing interruption. but at the end of the night, long after nanny lulu left, long after husband and i put alexander down for bed, it hit me, i hardly spent time with my baby today. and it ached a little. husband says, "well babe, you won't be spending time with alexander when you're in the office." husband had to go all logically cruel and rational on me. i just looked at him with my, "ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY?!?!?!" look - yes, there is an actual look which i have perfected. 

so now, while husband sits at the kitchen counter, playing a game on his phone, i've been perusing pictures of alexander from the day he was born. apparently, husband is not trying to make me cry; turns out, I AM TRYING TO MAKE MYSELF CRY. but seriously, is it possible that my baby was ever this small? 

the twist is, i never thought i would like motherhood, much less love it. i honestly viewed it more as an inconvenience. and i never thought i would want to be a stay at home mom, but now i want to be one of those women that i use to pity. now, i would give anything to be that woman whose universe orbits around her baby. so tomorrow, i am going to snuggle him a little bit more, kiss on him a few extra kisses, and maybe hold him through one of his naps, babywise be damned. cause my days are numbered. 

indulge me won't you?

 

i am going to go out on a limb on this lovely, sunny, breezy friday and guess that you all want to see pictures of my adorable not-so-new-anymore baby boy. this week, we retired the newborn onesies. it was like taking a bullet straight to the heart. stop growing so fast baby boy. could you please stay warm, fuzzy, and cuddly forever? except with the ability to sleep through the night?

 

without further ado, please indulge me, and yourselves, quite frankly, in the many faces of adc.

a little video

nicky b has come for a visit and we are already up to our old shenanigans. this morning, papa, momma, and alexander woke up to this lovely trailer courtesy of nicky b productions:

we cannot wait to see what other fun projects auntie nicolle has cooked up for us this week!

p.s. is my son not the adorable-est???

early morning serenity and learning to be a mother

lately i have had trouble sleeping - a common side effect of being nine months pregnant. without fail, i wake up at four thirty a.m. to make yet another trip to the bathroom. and without fail, after i have resettled into bed, not without much effort and grimacing, blissful sleep always eludes me. in its place has crept dark anxieties concerning things over which i have no control.

what if i have to get a c-section? because i really do not want a c-section. what if something happens to me during labor? what if something happens to husband on his way to work? on his way home from work? what if something is wrong with baby? what if baby is born in distress with the umbilical cord choking him? what if he gets the worst personality traits of both me and husband? what if he eventually manifests autism? what if, what if, what if...

this morning, my mind was playing a particularly cruel game of "what if" with me when i remembered something from the very early days of my pregnancy. almost as soon as that pee stick indicated i was pregnant, i began to be fiercely protective of the life growing inside of me. while still sitting on the toilet, pregnancy test in hand, i remember thinking, "Lord, please do not let anything happen to my baby." a few nights later, i came upon Psalm 139 in my nightly Bible reading.

"For it was You who formed my inward parts; You wove me together in my mother's womb.

I will praise You, for I am awesomely and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, And my soul knows it well.

My frame was not hidden from You When I was made in secret, Skillfully fashioned in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; And in Your book all of them were written: The days that were ordained for me, When not one of them was yet."

it occurred to me then, and i was reminded again during this anxiety filled morning, that my days, AND all my baby's days have already been ordained. when you actually stop to think about what this means, it is quite awe-inspiring. ALL of my baby's days have already been measured out and ordained.

The Lord reminded me this morning with that soft, familiar, loving voice "yes Grace, I have ordained all of your baby's days. All the good things and the not so good things. can you accept all that I have ordained for your child?"

it struck me then as it did today, that despite feeling intensely about my baby  - intense about preventing suffering, and intensely hoping only good things for him, there is One who is in control, who lovingly formed my son within me, One whose works are wonderful. so when these verses and words found me again, i found some early morning serenity and with a heavy, but genuine and trusting heart, prayed, "Lord grant me the grace to accept all that You have ordained, including the suffering, including the not so great things." and somehow, though all those "what ifs" still exist, and they could still happen, i was a little less anxious. not because suddenly trusting in the Lord will change any outcomes and bestow upon my son and my family a life without suffering, a life without pain, and a life without sorrow. but because the lives of this Carlson family - each one, has been measured and ordained by the very God of this universe. it is peaceful to know and accept that we are not in control (despite our best efforts at times). 

on your marks, get set...count contractions

according to my doctor, i have hit the huge milestone of thirty-seven weeks. i also apparently "have gained the upper range of normal weight." thanks - that is exactly what a very pregnant lady wants to hear first thing monday morning.

the trouble with hitting the thirty-seven week mark is you are told that at any minute you can go into labor, which means, for me, any twitch, any slight perception of pain is interpreted as a contraction. so last night, as i lay in bed, i began experiencing distinct pain in my abdomen area around two thirty-five a.m. lucky for me, husband was up, cradling his ipad. i poked him, in between (maybe slightly exaggerated) moans of pain. but seriously, i was definitely uncomfortable. after ignoring me for about fifteen to twenty minutes, he turned over and said, "ok, so should i start timing your contractions?" 

well i have no idea what a contraction is supposed to feel like, but i also did not want to actually be in labor and think i was not in labor and miss my opportunity to get that epidural, so i curled into a ball (as much as a fat pregnant lady can curl into a ball), and murmured, "yes please." only i could not really distinguish when the contractions were starting and stopping, which makes timing them a challenge. the reason i could not distinguish start and stop times of my contractions was because as it turns out, i was not experiencing contractions at all. just a bad, painful case of pregnancy induced gas. and now husband has dubbed me "the girl who cried contractions."

but let me tell you, thank goodness it was just gas and not contractions for real. i keep telling baby to stay in there - stay in there at least another two and a half weeks. because there is still a slight chance we may be able to move before he comes. and if baby wants mom to be reasonably sane, he really will take this under advisement. that and coming out sleeping through the night...that could happen right? improbable, but possible???

happy friday and bon weekend mes amis!

becoming unprocessed

my friend, b, started her bradley method birthing classes a few weeks ago. her birth teacher tells her sugar is really bad. it's poison. recently, i began reading "bringing up bebe" to get some perspective on being a mother (i highly recommend it - it is the antidote to the all-consuming motherhood model that is put upon us in american culture). in that book, she talked about the french day care system and how they serve one year olds fresh vegetables, fish, and fresh fruit - nothing processed. so between bradley and france, i was inspired. i made a resolution to become unprocessed - no more processed food from here on out for the rest of my pregnancy.

 

lofty goals is my name, failing is my game. i think i would have been able to do it had one thing not happened. on saturday evening, during a trader joe's trip, after my lecture to my brother and his fiancee about how bad cereal is for you, my future sister-in-law mentioned her weakness for cinnamon toast crunch to me. oh you bet i gave her judging eyes. cereal is bad enough. there is NOTHING of redemption in cinnamon toast crunch. well baby carlson must have been paying attention because he had me begging husband last night to go out and get some cinnamon toast crunch. i had to have it. but husband was already in bed half asleep. so i waited until he left for work this morning and walked on over to the grocery store where i treated myself to a box of cinnamon toast crunch. i'd just like to say that though i majorly failed, there is some evidence of gracie will left. the store was having a buy two for five dollars deal. i grabbed both boxes and made my way to the cashier, but then turned around to put one box back on the shelf. props to me.

 

i guess the upside of the story is that apparently baby carlson's hearing is just fine! he heard his future aunt's cinnamony, toasty, sugary, crunchy message LOUD AND CLEAR!

baby, thy name is sugar!

lately, scenes around the house include me staring down a bag of chocolate blizzard cookies from trader joe's, telling myself, "i will not have another, i will not have another." baby says, "yes you will." and so the dance goes on, day after day, usually ending with me caving, and sitting on the couch with chocolate crumbs on  my chin. (note to self, must stock up on more cookies. supplies are dangerously low!) our little guy sure loves himself some sugar; that means he's going to be real sweet right?? i was pretty paranoid that i would not pass my glucose test given all the additional sugar my body now needs. yes, i said, NEEDS. but since mom and babe passed the glucose test with flying colors the other day, we treated ourselves. and it was divine. and let me tell you, you have not had caramel corn until you have had garrett's gingerbread crisp over the holidays! happy weekend!

 

epiphany of olympic proportions

two nights ago, husband and i watched nathan adrian's thrilling 100 meter freestyle swim for the gold. immediately after he swam, we wikipedia'd this young phenom who gave the u.s. the gold in this event for the first time since the 1988 olympics.  here are the important tid bits, he is 6'6, 220lbs of pure swimmer's muscle, and most importantly he is half asian.

here are his parents:

so the only logical and magical conclusion is that the hubs and i - we have a chance.

plus

and we could potentially produce this!!

what with my uncannily adorable asian good looks and husband's long lean legs and broad muscular shoulders, our non-existent baby boy is going places! come on gene pool! that my friends, was our olympic moment and probably as close as husband and i will ever get to being related to an olympian. our potential - but really, what potential right!?!

oh and did i mention that he is a cal alum? husband and i are cal alum. coincidence? i think not.

happy friday and have a great weekend!