hi. my name is grace. and i'm an asian woman driver

i never really believed (or wanted to believe as husband would say) that i'm that asian woman driver. but as it turns out, it would seem, i am exactly that asian woman driver.

as i was kicking-off my friday evening, driving down lee highway, i saw a red light and began to break, when suddenly the light ahead turned green. so naturally, i eased my foot off the break, because cars are supposed to move when the light turns green.

only the cars must not have moved. clearly they didn't move fast enough. and i just did not process the car that was literally right in front of me and boom, i rear-ended a red acura right in the middle of rush hour. but honestly, it wasn't like i was doing my make up or talking on the phone. my mind just went blank. it was as if what my eyes were seeing was not being accurately translated in my brain. and then impact! you think the car that got hit was shocked?! i was shocked. how could this have happened? i just don't understand it.

and as i was retelling husband the story, giving him the play-by-play, i said, "babe, i just don't know how this happened." to which, my ever truly supportive husband replied, "babe. you don't know how this happened? [eyes rolling] you're an asian woman driver! do you want me to recount all the driving stories??"

NO! that's not necessary although husband is suddenly itching to do a few guest posts.

here's my handy work

and because there just is not a more appropriate way to end this post, in the wise words of dwight shrute:

p.s. momma chiang, if you're reading this post, we may be in the market for a car loan soon.
p.p.s. momma chiang, we're thinking of defaulting on the car loan we used to purchase the above wrecked car. feel free to repossess.

"man day"

i have a few more hours before 12 a.m. when i will lose husband for 24 hours. you see, when the clock strikes 12, husband will turn into a pumpkin. bibbity bobbity boo! POOF! he'll be gone. not really becoming a pumpkin but off to scale the adventures of "man day." he's been looking forward to man day for what seems like weeks. what is man day you ask? well i guess you could say it's when a friend - a married friend, whose young daughter and five months pregnant wife leave town for a a few days - emails your risk loving husband about jumping off cliffs into cold water below. and then he further sweetens the deal by adding the redskins-colts preseason game to the "man day" agenda. well how is a risk-adverse wife supposed to compete with that? she can't. i can't. so instead, i'll be making a pit stop at the bank tonight. withdraw me some cash and go on my own adventure tomorrow that will most likely involve buying jewelry at eastern market. he day - she day. fair is fair.

happy friday and enjoy the weekend! man day pictures to come (hopefully!)

my matthew 27:46 solution to all serious problems

back during my law school years, i went through some hard times. you might even say i was depressed, except i'm asian so we like to be in denial about any mental "weakness". rather, let's attribute my suffering to a lack of character, as in, i just was not mentally strong enough to will myself out of bed each day and face another harrowing day of life as i knew it.  but basically i was depressed.  nothing was working out as i had imagined it would.  i felt alone, like i had been  abandoned in a deep well and all i could do was look up at the small dot of light so very far away.  things got so bad that big brother bankrolled a trip to barabados so i could get away and get some sun and feel alive.  so you know it was bad if big brother republican was willing to put me on his dole for the entire week!  and it worked for the week i was in barbados. but eventually i had to come back to real life.

i don't like talking about this time in my life because i feel like my super past self, as in the elementary school, high school, and college versions of me, as well as the today version of me look at the law school version of me and wonder who that person was. how did i become so drained, so exhausted of living that i actually despaired of living?

it was during this most despondent of times, or as the ever wise anne shirley would say, at the time when i was "in the depths of despair," that i really hated and yet loved the LJ. the thing is, i am a child of the Lord. i have no doubts about that, but i have had serious questions about what the LJ has ordained for me, and during this time, and still every now and then, i question the LJ's heart towards me. is it really good? because sometimes it genuinely and intensely felt like He had abandoned me in that well. i felt forsaken, left in the deep pit to survive by subsisting on grubs or simply give up and die. i think we all know me well enough to know that i went with option #2.

one night, during a particularly intense moment of grief, bewilderment, and sense of abandonment, when my increasingly fragile soul could bear no more, i laid in bed weeping. in retrospect, it really was kind of pathetic. luckily it was just me in all my glorious loneliness, emotionally naked before the Lord. as i was asking the LJ, why this, why that, before i even knew it, i found myself laid out in crucifix position, and a cry ripped out from deep within my crumbling soul: "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani." because let's be honest, who hasn't felt completely forsaken at one time or another, or possibly constantly? because i have. and to this day, "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani" in crucifix position is my tried and true way of conveying the depth of my trauma to the Lord. afterall, who can understand this sentiment more than He?

years later, it occurred to me that the LJ didn't abandon me to go through my suffering, my situations, my thoughts, my feelings alone. He was there with me, suffering with me, bearing the oppressive tides of confusion, fear, and sadness with me - each step of the way.  but still, when i am feeling especially needy, alone, forsaken, scared even, i turn to matthew 27:46, to sound the alarm for the LJ - "take your positions. it's gonna be a doozy. please don't forsake me."

wuv. twu wuv.

this week, husband has worked late every single night, to midnight or later. it's hard for me. i hate being alone. and i don't have a car. so when husband works late, it's unpleasant for everyone involved, which incidentally is only me. so i was thrilled - tickled pink really - when husband called me last night at 7:05 pm to tell me he was on his way home. and to top it off, he asked me out on a date. sigh. be still my swooning, beating heart.

when husband said "date", i didn't realize he meant for me to go as a chaperon for him and his dear love, his phone, a.k.a. lolita jr. jr.

and when even lolita jr. jr. couldn't keep his undivided attention anymore, husband called comcast to discuss the speed of our internet service.

i tell you, if this doesn't get a girl's heart racing, i just don't know what does.  back off ladies, this guy is all mine (sort of).

happy friday!

carlsons' candids

this past weekend, the hodges came to visit. as usual the theme of our get togethers was food, food, and more food. 

i learned this weekend that i'd like to trade lives with mr. lucas kwong. what do you say little guy? interested in a switcheroo??

we saw round one drafts for the remodel of our future home last night. it's starting to feel real. and then i started to get a little overwhelmed thinking about furnishing this soon to be five bedroom house. goodness, we are going from a one bedroom condo to five bedrooms. better stock up on aerobeds galore while they are still on sale at costco!

epiphany of olympic proportions

two nights ago, husband and i watched nathan adrian's thrilling 100 meter freestyle swim for the gold. immediately after he swam, we wikipedia'd this young phenom who gave the u.s. the gold in this event for the first time since the 1988 olympics.  here are the important tid bits, he is 6'6, 220lbs of pure swimmer's muscle, and most importantly he is half asian.

here are his parents:

so the only logical and magical conclusion is that the hubs and i - we have a chance.

plus

and we could potentially produce this!!

what with my uncannily adorable asian good looks and husband's long lean legs and broad muscular shoulders, our non-existent baby boy is going places! come on gene pool! that my friends, was our olympic moment and probably as close as husband and i will ever get to being related to an olympian. our potential - but really, what potential right!?!

oh and did i mention that he is a cal alum? husband and i are cal alum. coincidence? i think not.

happy friday and have a great weekend! 

big boy and big girl times

are there definitive milestones that bring you from childhood to adulthood?  i use to think it was marriage, but if you spend any amount of time with me and husband, you'll soon realize, these two are not adults. they are children playing as adults! but husband and i have embarked on a no-turning-back adventure of sorts. we finally agreed to let momma chiang buy a house in arlington (for us - sort of - mostly - for now??).    (oh the emotional tax consequences that will result from this!!!)  (mom put down the down payment and we'll help with the mortgage, but no, we did not buy it ourselves/at all (even though this will cost me what's left of my mental health)...yeah did you see my post about law school debt?)

isn't our soon to be new (temporary) home lovely? very anne of green gables no? on monday, it became official -  now our future home will undergo extensive renovations because the insides need some major love and tlc.  once it's all done, we'll move in until momma chiang moves down to retire and then the carlsons will begin a whole new adventure.

on tuesday, hubs and i signed a contract with a renovations contractor and the design and permitting process begins today! stay tuned for updates and befores and afters. and of course, please make plans to come visit us.  you'll now have a guest room instead of an aerobed in our living room.  as exciting as this is, it's a little sad to think that in a few months' time, husband and i will be packing up our things and moving out of our starter home, where so much laughter and yelling took place - where our marriage was birthed if you will, through traumatic labor and unfathomable joy!  slamming your bedroom door has significantly higher dramatic value when there is only one bedroom door to slam. soon there will be three or four doors to choose from and then, well, you can see how it becomes a little less effective. because once you slam one of the four doors, there are surely three others that will remain open to the hubs. on the upside, can't wait to grow a little older with husband, passing time away on that porch!

p.s. there are some fabulous cabinets, stove/oven, granite and fridge that will be up for grabs so if you know anyone who wants these, please let me know! we can arrange a time for pick up!

p.p.s. may the LJ greatly bless this home for His Church.  of course it's wonderful to have a nice, comfortable home to live in (and oh the gourmet kitchen that i have in mind for all those cakes i will never bake!) but hopefully we will not lose sight of Him and we consecrate this home to Him.  may He use it as He wills.

p.p.p.s. the house is only two blocks from the clarendon metro so now there are no excuses not to come and play with the carlsons!