confucius say wha??

husband and i have been talking, for some time now, about "settling down", going back and forth between buying a house or staying put in our 1 BR condo starter home. momma chiang, first introduced here, has been an active participant in these discussions. i can't and won't go into the details of how this all came about mainly because it's only 9:40 a.m. and i'm pretty sure it's still frowned upon to consume alcohol at this time of day. and i honestly can't talk about it without some liquid courage/ frazzled nerves soother.

last night momma chiang called at 8:12 pm to discuss a house we had recently checked out. i don't want to bore you with the details so i'll just give you the highlights. around minute 42 of our phone call momma chiang asked, "what does the property look like?" no, not the house, the actual land. she said, "I need to know what the land looks like. Is it wide in the front and tapers into a more narrow back, like a reverse triangle? or is it narrow in the front and then widens as you go back?" for all you realtors out there, have you ever gotten such a question? momma offered an explanation. and here, i am going to try my best to give you a word-for-word replay. "you want to know why i ask? i'll tell you. because in chinese culture, and this is true 100% of the time, if you have a wide front yard and then a narrow back yard, that means you can't manage money and all the money you have coming in, there's no depth, so you can't hold on to it. you'll always be poor. but if you have a narrower front yard and a wider back property that means you can amass your wealth." so now i've finally cracked the code on the cause of all our financial woes. it can all be traced back to the fact that we just don't have a wide enough back yard. if only we had lived in a place that had a narrow front yard and a wide back yard, david and i could have avoided all our law school and credit card debt. NOW she tells us. clearly she has been holding out on us, never before telling us of this undeniable truth. did i mention that my mother has a masters in engineering? yes folks, she is intellectually brilliant, so you can see how the logic she just presented was flawless. when it comes down to it, can you even argue with such impenetrable logic [read INSANITY]??

during the course of the conversation, whenever we tried to bring up the fact that we cannot/do not want to be encumbered with a sizable mortgage, momma chiang responded with: "david, gracie, you have to do the math and tighten your belly. you don't have to starve yourselves, but you must tighten your belly." it's things like this that make me smile. it reminds me of the days when momma would take big brother and i sneaker shopping - back in the day when we insisted on reeboks, and she kindly suggested la gear, you know, the french sneakers, not the california ones. =) these are the wonderful joys of growing up in a not entirely english speaking household.

the last golden nugget of our phone call  came after the hubs suggested looking for a cheaper house farther out from the district (my soul life died a little after he uttered those words). my mom quickly said that of course that was an option, but then started listing research and statistics about how long commutes are bad for your health. here's the kicker, again, i'm making an effort to give you a word-for-word replay, "david, i'm ok with this as long as it is a good school district. but long commutes to work are bad for your health. so you have to consider, if gracie is the one who will be carrying a baby during pregnancy, it may be hard for her to have a long commute." can someone explain to me an alternate scenario? ladies and gentlemen, my mother, the (mad) scientist.

i'd like to conclude by saying: asian parents, when they are not being crazy (it's rare, but it happens), can be pretty awesome. they view it as their duty to help their children - even their fully able, productive adult children. (of course in asian culture, i'm not entirely sure you're allowed to have or acknowledge children who aren't successful and productive). so truth be told, the hubs and i are really grateful for momma's offer. she's crazy, but she's a keeper.