yesterday, the husband and i celebrated our five year anniversary. five years. at times it has seemed like a long brutal fifty years. actually, more times than we would probably like to admit. this marriage thing is hard.
when david and i first started, i don't think i thought about marriage as a long road ahead, with twists and turns that we couldn't predict. all i could think of was happily ever after (thanks disney and unrealistic expectations). the truth is, to have a happy marriage takes a lot of work, and quite frankly, i'm not always up for putting in the requisite amount of labor.
there have been times, where the fork in the road has led us to disastrous ends, full of disappointment, anger, and bitterness. there have been other roads that we have taken that have led us to much happiness and pleasure - simple pleasures in each other's company, and knowing this person gets me. it's a pretty intense and intimate bond. for someone to know you, i mean truly know you, warts and the warts within the warts, and the nasty puss within the warts, and still love you - love you in the sense of, "i'm sticking around. i'm committed, in spite of the worst of you," is an amazing thing - something far above hollywood romance. and it is often overlooked in favor of the butterflies, the immediate sense of romance. don't get me wrong, romance and butterflies are necessary, but at the end of the day, it's this commitment and this commitment alone that has gotten us to five years, and hopefully another five.
a close friend recently shared some insight with me regarding marriage that i have found profound and shockingly simple. she said, "be kind to one another. don't let the familiarity in your marriage rob you of being kind." i took this to heart. i am taking this to heart. and i have come to realize that it is decidedly unkind to be kind to david and then begrudge him when he does not reciprocate that same level of kindness to me. be kind. be kind. be kind. this has become my mantra. in the mornings when i make breakfast for everyone, i focus on how appreciative david is of the kind gesture rather than resenting how this has become my "chore" and how come no one ever makes mommy breakfast? it's made me markedly happier to focus on how my kindness makes my family happy. how my kindness makes my husband happy, and how that makes me happy, and how for that moment, we have a happy marriage.
so here's to small moments of kindness - a little lesson i have learned at the tail end of my fifth year of marriage. the road ahead is looking more hopeful than it was, even just two months ago.
to david, i love you, you big hoobie!
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