Chester Cheetos is Not Welcome

you know the saying, "love has no limits,"? well, let me tell you, it does. love stops when crumbs in bed may be involved. 

last night, i found myself to be a particularly ravenous pregnant lady - i'm told the midnight munchies are an (un)fortunate symptom of pregnancy that gets progressively worse throughout the pregnancy. at first, i tried to fight it, as i heard momma chiang's voice in my head, "don't eat snacks too late at night." i'm pretty sure pizza at 12:05 a.m. would fall exactly in this category. so as i lamented  my state of starvation, i simultaneously refused to get out of bed for a snack. 

eventually i caved and walked into the kitchen, opening all our cupboards, and at long last, ending up in my beloved pantry, where i spotted a bag of cheetos - remnants from my first trimester snack cravings. as i opened the bag and began to make my way back to the bed, my beloved husband said, "don't you dare come into bed with those. you'll get crumbs everywhere." [sidenote: leaving a trail of crumbs everywhere is also a special pregnancy skill, soon to be added to my esteemed resume.]  and for emphasis, he closed the  door, and i heard him say, "just to be sure, i'm going to lock the door until you are finished eating those cheetos." too starved to argue, i stood outside my closed bedroom door munching away, thinking to myself, this must be fairly close to what outer darkness and the weeping and gnashing of teeth will feel like - banished, with all cheetos enjoyment taken away. 

how the mighty have fallen...

...so in love! so in love with this little baby! oh yeah people, you read that right! there's a baby cooking in there and things around casa carlson are about to get CRAZY! (or CRAZIER to be truthful and accurate).

there was a time, not so long ago when i simply did not want a baby. i wanted to be free, without limits, without a poopy, whiny, needy, utterly dependent human being, who had me at his or her every beck and call. no thank you! give me freedom, glorious freedom! freedom to travel the world with my love. freedom to come and go as i please. freedom to sleep in. freedom to get in the car without thirty plus travel accessories for a baby. freedom to go shoe shopping. freedom to come home from work, ignore my starving husband, and sit on the couch watching reality tv. real housewives and kettlecorn for dinner. does life get any better than this? and so years before husband and i got married, i flat out told him, i do not want children. i do not want limitation. and i do not want to share you (with anyone cuter than me!)

but then it hit, like a monster truck. i needed a child. in fact, genesis 30:1 may have been quoted to the husband after months of "not preventing" - when rachel said to jacob: "give me child or else i die!" and the need just got more and more desperate as each month progressed with a mostly regular visit from an unwanted visitor. and then we shifted gears from "not preventing" to "trying." let me tell you, the only thing less sexy than telling your husband he's a duck-billed platypus mid make out session, is bounding into the bedroom from the bathroom, positive ovulation test in hand, announcing, "babe, i'm ovulating. get naked." oh the brutal, unromantic, unsexy truth about planned baby-making. but still month after month went by, negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test (good thing i ordered them in bulk online over a year ago!) and inner creeping accusations of infertility got louder and louder - or maybe that was me imagining momma chiang saying, "i told you to get pregnant earlier, have a baby earlier." and with each passing month, another friend would call or text with her own joyful news of pregnancy. so when, in july, a close friend told me she was pregnant with number two, when they weren't even trying, i completely lost it. it was my all time best elohi elohi moment.  that night, i lay in bed, and wept, as my husband could do nothing except put his arms around me and tell me - lie to me maybe? - that it was ok. and i summoned my remaining energy to whisper to my God, "Lord sometimes, i only want You for what You can give me. so please give me a baby."

but honestly, i had started to stop believing it was possible. i had started to stop believing in a baby  nathan adrien carlson. i had begun to resign myself to many many more months of a stressful sex life with continued negative pregnancy test results. in the process i learned, there are simply things outside of my control. all the best laid plans, all the scientific timing, and still i could not arrange my life into producing something i wanted. and although i could not quite let go of my desire for a baby, i realized, accepted a little bit, that i couldn't be in control of everything. i couldn't prevent every kind of trial and suffering. somethings just don't come so easily. sometimes, it is just hard. hard to go through and hard to accept.

and then five days later, i pulled my sad, pathetic, self-pitying body out of bed to face yet another day, when in the midst of brushing my teeth, i felt a sudden urge to vomit. and immediately genesis 30:22 came to me: "Then God remembered Rachel, and He listened to her and opened her womb."

i fumbled through my web supplied pregnancy tests and peed with a new sense of urgency and quite frankly, hall of fame worthy aiming skills, all the while trying to tell myself not to be disappointed. i had done this before, been here before. and when for five seconds there was no second line, oh the expected disappointment hit. alas another month. but then, that magical second line appeared and i couldn't believe it. i cried, this time, different tears. because finally, God remembered gracie.

if you look closely, you'll see, baby BOY carlson is due April 8, 2013!

big boy and big girl times

are there definitive milestones that bring you from childhood to adulthood?  i use to think it was marriage, but if you spend any amount of time with me and husband, you'll soon realize, these two are not adults. they are children playing as adults! but husband and i have embarked on a no-turning-back adventure of sorts. we finally agreed to let momma chiang buy a house in arlington (for us - sort of - mostly - for now??).    (oh the emotional tax consequences that will result from this!!!)  (mom put down the down payment and we'll help with the mortgage, but no, we did not buy it ourselves/at all (even though this will cost me what's left of my mental health)...yeah did you see my post about law school debt?)

isn't our soon to be new (temporary) home lovely? very anne of green gables no? on monday, it became official -  now our future home will undergo extensive renovations because the insides need some major love and tlc.  once it's all done, we'll move in until momma chiang moves down to retire and then the carlsons will begin a whole new adventure.

on tuesday, hubs and i signed a contract with a renovations contractor and the design and permitting process begins today! stay tuned for updates and befores and afters. and of course, please make plans to come visit us.  you'll now have a guest room instead of an aerobed in our living room.  as exciting as this is, it's a little sad to think that in a few months' time, husband and i will be packing up our things and moving out of our starter home, where so much laughter and yelling took place - where our marriage was birthed if you will, through traumatic labor and unfathomable joy!  slamming your bedroom door has significantly higher dramatic value when there is only one bedroom door to slam. soon there will be three or four doors to choose from and then, well, you can see how it becomes a little less effective. because once you slam one of the four doors, there are surely three others that will remain open to the hubs. on the upside, can't wait to grow a little older with husband, passing time away on that porch!

p.s. there are some fabulous cabinets, stove/oven, granite and fridge that will be up for grabs so if you know anyone who wants these, please let me know! we can arrange a time for pick up!

p.p.s. may the LJ greatly bless this home for His Church.  of course it's wonderful to have a nice, comfortable home to live in (and oh the gourmet kitchen that i have in mind for all those cakes i will never bake!) but hopefully we will not lose sight of Him and we consecrate this home to Him.  may He use it as He wills.

p.p.p.s. the house is only two blocks from the clarendon metro so now there are no excuses not to come and play with the carlsons!

carlsons' candids

this weekend, momma chiang came into town for a whirlwind visit and and to help us with a big project (reveal to come in a few days!) as you can see, there was lots of food involved and good company too.

we ended the weekend around a lazy susan at x.o. taste - authentic, not too greasy chinese food. when the bill came, momma chiang reached for it as mark eyed the bill. but her fast, trained chinese hands were too skilled in the food check game for mark, so all mark could say was:, "ummmm we'd like to help with the bill." here's the kicker folks, and by kicker, i mean SHOCKER! momma chiang replied, "no, that is not the chinese way. i pay for it." husband and i looked at each other and busted out laughing, because this is the first either of us have heard of this new-fangled chinese way. after we stopped laughing, husband managed to say, "i feel like i've been lied to the past couple years of my life." but we'll ride on the adkins' coattails for a free chinese meal any day! thanks momma and thanks adkins! you helped us learn a very, very valuable, and might i add, new, cultural lesson.

big bro, what do you think of momma's new assertion?

on another note, who watched the olympics opening ceremony? can we give a collective shout: "i want those three hours of my life back!!!!" i'm not sure what's worse: the opening ceremony itself, or the fact that we watched the entire thing, thinking, there was a big wow factor just coming up and if we kept watching then we would not miss it. somehow, we managed to watch the whole thing, and miss the big wow of the opening ceremony. but onto the games. U-S-A!

happy monday and let the countdown to the weekend begin!

doctor (nod), doctor (nod), doctor (nod), doctor (nod)

if you haven't seen this movie, you must. it's a classic. chevy chase and dan akroyd at their best. not to mention it may just inspire you to see your credentials in a new light. you too can be a doctor! this, along with webMD, and you are unstoppable. trust me. i know. because i too, am a doctor. Dr. Grace Carlson, J.D.

sometimes though, webMD will fail you, and that's when you simply have to rely on your honed inner doctor instincts. a few months back, i insisted that husband run a webMD and google search for "fever hands." you see, i have "fever hands."

these puppies sometimes get so hot, that husband will not hold my hand, choosing instead to hold my wrists. romantic no? more like ridiculous, yes. but i tell you, i am convinced that my fever hands are symptoms of something wrong, a rare disease perhaps?

would you even believe me if i told you that webMD did not have any search results, and all the search results for google were not helpful at all? hard to believe, i know, but it's true. there's nothing out there on the world wide web that can provide any insight into my apparently rare condition. and yes, i actually even went to my "real" doctor. he was sort of at a loss. blank stare doctor. and then said he'd run some blood tests. my endocrine system is the picture of health. nothing is wrong. but! i just do. not. believe. it.

i am undeterred. all you medical professionals out there, watch out. i am on the cusp of discovery. i cannot be stopped, because i know my inner doctor is right on this. one day, fever hands will show up in medical text books around the world.

until then, i am definitely available for free consultations and to diagnose whatever medical conditions you have. i'm here for you. love, Dr. Grace. (momma chiang must be proud, lawyer and doctor in one! super asian!)

keep out

here in washington, d.c., we like to emphasize diplomacy. my seven or so years here have been a constant lesson in learning how to be diplomatic in all situations.

a little over three years ago, husband and i had just returned from our honeymoon. momma chiang decided to pay us a visit - in fact, she arrived in d.c. a day before we even returned. and in usual chinese fashion decided that staying with her newly married daughter was not only economical, but desirable. so on our first morning home from our honeymoon, we woke up at seven a.m. to our little house guest knocking on our bedroom door, "lazybones, how do i turn on your t.v. and stereo system?"

years later, with diplomacy skills honed, i have found the appropriate solution: a new little decor piece for our bedroom door the next time momma chiang decides to pay us a visit:

confucius say wha??

husband and i have been talking, for some time now, about "settling down", going back and forth between buying a house or staying put in our 1 BR condo starter home. momma chiang, first introduced here, has been an active participant in these discussions. i can't and won't go into the details of how this all came about mainly because it's only 9:40 a.m. and i'm pretty sure it's still frowned upon to consume alcohol at this time of day. and i honestly can't talk about it without some liquid courage/ frazzled nerves soother.

last night momma chiang called at 8:12 pm to discuss a house we had recently checked out. i don't want to bore you with the details so i'll just give you the highlights. around minute 42 of our phone call momma chiang asked, "what does the property look like?" no, not the house, the actual land. she said, "I need to know what the land looks like. Is it wide in the front and tapers into a more narrow back, like a reverse triangle? or is it narrow in the front and then widens as you go back?" for all you realtors out there, have you ever gotten such a question? momma offered an explanation. and here, i am going to try my best to give you a word-for-word replay. "you want to know why i ask? i'll tell you. because in chinese culture, and this is true 100% of the time, if you have a wide front yard and then a narrow back yard, that means you can't manage money and all the money you have coming in, there's no depth, so you can't hold on to it. you'll always be poor. but if you have a narrower front yard and a wider back property that means you can amass your wealth." so now i've finally cracked the code on the cause of all our financial woes. it can all be traced back to the fact that we just don't have a wide enough back yard. if only we had lived in a place that had a narrow front yard and a wide back yard, david and i could have avoided all our law school and credit card debt. NOW she tells us. clearly she has been holding out on us, never before telling us of this undeniable truth. did i mention that my mother has a masters in engineering? yes folks, she is intellectually brilliant, so you can see how the logic she just presented was flawless. when it comes down to it, can you even argue with such impenetrable logic [read INSANITY]??

during the course of the conversation, whenever we tried to bring up the fact that we cannot/do not want to be encumbered with a sizable mortgage, momma chiang responded with: "david, gracie, you have to do the math and tighten your belly. you don't have to starve yourselves, but you must tighten your belly." it's things like this that make me smile. it reminds me of the days when momma would take big brother and i sneaker shopping - back in the day when we insisted on reeboks, and she kindly suggested la gear, you know, the french sneakers, not the california ones. =) these are the wonderful joys of growing up in a not entirely english speaking household.

the last golden nugget of our phone call  came after the hubs suggested looking for a cheaper house farther out from the district (my soul life died a little after he uttered those words). my mom quickly said that of course that was an option, but then started listing research and statistics about how long commutes are bad for your health. here's the kicker, again, i'm making an effort to give you a word-for-word replay, "david, i'm ok with this as long as it is a good school district. but long commutes to work are bad for your health. so you have to consider, if gracie is the one who will be carrying a baby during pregnancy, it may be hard for her to have a long commute." can someone explain to me an alternate scenario? ladies and gentlemen, my mother, the (mad) scientist.

i'd like to conclude by saying: asian parents, when they are not being crazy (it's rare, but it happens), can be pretty awesome. they view it as their duty to help their children - even their fully able, productive adult children. (of course in asian culture, i'm not entirely sure you're allowed to have or acknowledge children who aren't successful and productive). so truth be told, the hubs and i are really grateful for momma's offer. she's crazy, but she's a keeper.