late night conversation

over the past few years, i've suffered from late night panic. i tend to go to bed earlier than the hubs. and at least once or twice a month, i will be fast asleep, laying in bed, r.e.m.-ing away, when husband stealthily enters the room, and i do mean stealthily. i will sit straight up in bed and scream bloody murder. SCREAM shrilly and repetitively. we're actually afraid that our neighbors will call the police on us. we're not sure why this happens. but it has happened with greater frequency and greater intensity over the past year. husband has pleaded with me to consider our home a "safe space." clearly that hasn't happened. so a few nights ago, my medical genius self struck (yet again) and i instructed husband: "google: screaming in the middle of the night." he went with, "waking in a panic." one thing led to another and soon we were having a discussion about sleep patterns and somehow we ended up with duck billed platypuses.

you want to know how we got there? for a few years, i had trouble falling asleep and trouble staying alseep through the night, until i discovered ambien. oh ambien. it's really a wonder drug - knocks me out completely until eight a.m. the thing is, i tend to have major hallucinations when i take this drug. so one fateful night, i took an ambien and climbed into bed, when husband made the moves. yeah you know what i mean. striking when i'm vulnerable. there we were, making out, when suddenly, i had to pull away. i looked at husband, well, more like peered at him, and flat out said, "you're a duck billed platypus!"  well you know how things ended that night. of the flattering sexy things you can say to your husband, "you're a duck billed platypus" is not among the top one thousand.

so the other night, i said to my hubs, "i'm going to frame a small picture of a duck billed platypus for my side of the bed." silence ensued until finally he replied, "well, you're a yellow jacket because you're mean and you sting me." [note, husband and i had a major fight the morning of july fourth]. not to be outdone, i laid there and thought for a minute and genius struck me again! "well, if i'm a yellow jacket, then you're an alligator, because all day, you look like a turd floating in the water and you don't do anything. you just sit there and float, until i poke and poke and poke and then finally you bite my head off." so there we were, the yellow jacket and the alligator laying in bed, all smug with our own wit and intellect. cue music, "can you feel the love tonight..." 

it sucks to be broccoli

the past eight days and counting has taught me one thing: it sucks to be broccoli. it occurred to me a few days ago, the first of several days over 100 degrees (that's before the heat index kicks in), this must be what broccoli feels like when it is steamed. i am literally being cooked alive. literally subjected to a slow, tortuous steaming into a pile of nasty, sweaty, sticky mush. sounds appetizing no? this heat makes breathing difficult. it makes the act of living difficult. it makes crumbling to the sidewalk in  defeat seem so appealing. only, then i'd be going from the steamer into a frying pan - sidewalk fried gracie - extra crispy.

the oppressive heat wave is supposed to finally end come monday, but not before a fond 106 degree farewell, with a heat index of 114, on saturday. just three more days until 87 degrees!!! and we cannot wait. until then, we will pass the time with lots of iced water, gelato,  a slurpee or two, and standing by the freezer section of the 7-11. we're classy like that. it's how we roll.

 

p.s. my dear friend miriam is a certified master of the slurpee machine. video of "slurpee how to" with guest post from miriam in the works. it's a science - to get just the right amount of corn syrup to icee ratio - and don't believe anyone that tells you otherwise.

happy friday and may the countdown to the weekend begin!

upstairs, no downstairs and the derecho effect

so life according to my new obsession, downton abbey, goes something like this: the rich family lives upstairs, and rarely, if ever ventures downstairs, where the servants gather and work.  the carlsons do not have a downstairs, which means we do not have servants which is oh so unfortunate. the past few days would have been the perfect time, or at least, no less perfect than, you know, ALWAYS, to have servants.  for those not in the washington, dc area, a derecho blew through late friday night and wiped out power and therefore electricity and ac for the carlsons for three lovely, over 100 degree days. along with taking down trees and power lines, somehow, this derecho got into our apartment and destroyed what was otherwise a spotless, clutterless home. and left this in its wake.

did anyone else's apartment get caught in the direct line of this derecho's fire? such an interesting effect of the storm no?

so you see, today, i really think it would be wonderful to have servants, especially because tomorrow is a holiday and i can't be bothered with cleaning up after a storm's mess. and then it dawns on me, we do have servants. their names are david and grace. sigh. now here is when i wouldn't mind being mary crawley. carson, anna, help!!!

p.s. let's not pretend that downton abbey isn't anything more than a slightly glorified soap opera and glorified only because of its fabulous costumes and british accents. but hey, i'll take it! 

summer lovin'

yesterday morning, as we pulled out of our parking lot (way earlier than normal, and therefore, actually on time!), gearing up for another day of the dc grind, husband asked me a question that made my heart ache just a little bit. “grace, when is the longest day of the year? did that come and go already?”

“yes”, i replied. “it came and went over a week ago.” there you have it folks. the cold hard truth. summer is slipping through our fingers and we have almost nothing to show for it.

before we even know it, fall will be here and we’ll be planning for thanksgiving and possibly a puppy. more on that at a later post.

so dear friends, make sure to embrace the glorious sweltering heat. it's 100 degrees in dc today - perfect weather to do this:

<><><><>

and bask in the twilight sun at eight p.m. tonight just because you can. trust me, you’ll be regretting it in december when it's freezing out and you are  under house arrest by the weather, with not much to do but stare at your tv and fold laundry.  you'll think back to today and wish you had gone on that sweet twilight stroll (ice cream cone in hand - optional, but highly recommended).

happy weekend in the sun!

lessons learned

consider this post a "how to" guide of sorts on your future visits to boston.

1) when planning a trip to boston from d.c., the number one thing you will need: good friends to travel with you.

2) when going with good friends, and you geniusly decide to take the eight hour amtrak ride, do not take the 315 a.m. out of dc. you may think it's a good idea because you think you'll be able to sleep through the night and arrive bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 1115 a.m. ready for your boston adventure. well you won't, because the train will be freezing and the bright lights will remain on for the entire ride. do these people look bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to you?

3) if you are from california and have moved away, you will most certainly be starved for mexican food. you will be snobbish about how the only place you can get good mexican food is california. (well, and mexico). but you will be humbled in the city of boston. go to angela's cafe.  we stumbled on this treasure, and learned that guy fieri visited recently and it will be featured on the food network. or go to burrito express for a $3.99 breakfast burrito that is delicious.

4) definitely do the freedom trail. you will see amazing parts of u.s. history. here is a sampling.

5) go to a baseball game at fenway park. just trust me on this. even if you do not like baseball. i do not like baseball, and i may or may not have taken a quick five minute cat nap during the third inning, but there's something about being at fenway park. it's the oldest baseball park in america, and as you sit there, you feel the richness of its history sink into your bones.

6) go to mike's pastry and get a canoli. any one of them. and you too can have this look of absolute culinary bliss.

7) if it's a dreary, rainy day while you're visiting boston, there are plenty of used book stores to peruse. we stumbled on http://www.buddenbrooks.com/  this place was amazing. the collections and number of first editions was just incredible. but it was also expensive. and when i say expensive i am talking luis vuitton ball park. there were collections that started at twelve hundred dollars. so you can only imagine the trauma and absolute mortification when i knocked over a starbucks grande green tea onto a bookshelf. you can only imagine how i panicked and tried to throw my body on top of the pile of tea as we all watched as the water crept, as if in slow motion, over the bookshelf, falling onto first edition, hand illustrated copies of don quixote.  you can only imagine the terror that swept through me, as i tried to rip the books off the shelf to prevent any more water damage. you can only imagine how awkward it must have been for our friends as they stood there helplessly. and you can only imagine me sobbing over the already water damaged, thousdands of dollars worth of antique collector's item books, as i wiped with paper towels and my sweatshirt sleeves. i was alternating between sobbing and whimpering out of embarassment and terror. there i was, kneeling on the floor of this amazing and expensive bookstore, having caused what i imagine was thousands of dollars worth of damage. there i was expecting to have to line up all our credit cards to spread out the cost of our new antique books collection, when the store owner came over and calmly told me not to panic. this man must have kids. he was beyond gracious. (maybe my sobbing had something to do with it). he assured me that this happens to everyone, of course this didn't happen to mark or miriam or david, but to me. of course. he assured me that the pages themselves were not damaged and he could fix the leather covers of all the books. and he would not even accept my offer to pay for the repair of the leather covers. you would be right if you imagined we left shortly thereafter. we definitely did not stay to browse after that incident. the thing is, it's really not entirely my fault. it was rainy and cold out, so we had to make a stop at starbucks. when we got to the bookstore - it was the kind of store where you had to knock on the door and have the store owner unlock the door to let you in - we offered to leave our drinks at the door, but the owner himself told us to just place them on top of the counter-height bookshelf. i'm sure he has since changed his food and beverage in the store policy. and i am no longer allowed in used book stores.

8) downton abbey. oh downton abbey. this got me through the eight hour train ride home and i'm almost all caught up. i powered through all but the season two finale. a certain friend tried to spoil it for me and told me the entire estate gets hit with a meteor!! well it hasn't happened yet, so i guess it must hit at the very end of the season finale! i wonder who will survive...no doubt the dowager, as if a meteor could stop her. i'm already looking forward to season three, which i only just learned does not air in the u.s. until january 2013!!! what will i do until then?!

the bermuda triangle

maybe it's the 102 degree heat, but i am not feeling particularly inspired to blog today - i've got no pictures to share, no witty story to tell.

but i'll leave my beloved readers with this gem of a find: if you are a highly educated, highly capable woman OR you are married to a highly educated, highly capable woman, do yourself a favor and read this thought provoking piece: "why women still can't have it all"

as a woman, i have struggled and often found myself lost in the triangle of: wife/future mother. higher education/higher powered career. and banner carrier of feminism and femininity. actually, i'm still figuring it out and i'm not sure if i'm going to disappear in the challenge and frustration of obtaining my vision of "having it all."  i find my position on wife-hood, homemaker, stay-at-home mom, professional career woman, advocate of higher and higher education for women constantly shifting. but when it comes down to it, i'm so grateful i have these choices - albeit tough choices. it's better than not having any choice at all.

after you've read this {lengthy} article, let me know your thoughts. do you have it all? what is "all" to you, and what tough choices have you made - are you making?

the thing about elephants

having a semi-autistic spectrum like memory has its benefits. i can quote movies line for line. i can remember facts from the 5th grade. i am the one phone call you would make when you're on "who wants to be a millionaire." chances are if i've seen it, read it, or heard it in passing, i will remember. just one of my special quirks i guess.

the downside, of course is, i also happen to remember EVERY SINGLE TIME husband has wronged me.  it's actually impossible for me to forget and so what we have now is a snow ball effect. one small hurt remembered forever. the next hurt added onto that, and then the next and then the next, and before you know it, i'm up late at night stewing about bad patterns of behavior and how it could be i ended up with such an insensitive brute. by this time, my stomach hurts, and it's two a.m. and i can't sleep, meanwhile husband is blissfully snoring next to me. which only makes matters worse! how did i end up here - about ready to reach over for something sharp and stab my husband in the arm? (hey, at least i didn't say eye or heart)

for once an old addage is NOT applicable. remember this one?: "to err is human, to forgive is divine." well actually the first half is most certainly true. we all err, and if i'm being honest, i've erred against my husband plenty of times. but forgiveness is mostly human too. it doesn't take too much effort for us mere mortals to forgive, especially to forgive someone we love dearly. maybe it takes some of us longer to forgive, but eventually we i get there. what is truly divine is forgiving and forgetting.

it's this forgetting thing i struggle with. each time there's a new hurt, memories of all the old hurts return and suddenly they are so fresh. this morning, i waged a fierce internal battle with the LJ (Lord Jesus). it went like this:

Grace: LJ, i'm just upset and hurt and i can't let go. he ALWAYS does this.
LJ: I'm here. I'm listening.
Grace: are you?! are you really listening? because i am considering a host of repercussions {conveniently ommitted from this blog so you, my dear readers, are shielded from the depths of my evil nature}
LJ: Grace, you have a choice. move on, forgive and forget.
Grace: but LJ, i can't forget. i can't. i thought You said You were listening? didn't You hear me say, I CAN'T LET GO??
LJ: grace, you need to calm down. I'm here, I'm listening. you are working yourself up into a tizzy. I can feel your stomach burning.
Grace: but i can't. i'm just too hurt.
LJ: grace, remember, I have forgiven and forgotten all your sins. how would you feel if I remembered each time you failed, each time you made a mistake, each time you hurt Me?
Grace: really LJ? You went there? i mean, what can i say to that? clearly You have a valid point. but i can't. help me get there. i'm not like You.
LJ: yes you are. you have My life in you. My life is able to forgive and forget.
Grace: ok, let's say we do this forgive, forget thing. then what happens? he'll just do it again. trust me Lord, i know him. then we'll be having this conversation AGAIN.
LJ: I know him too. and I know you. I have forgiven and forgotten for you both. and I'm ok if and when we have this conversation again.
Grace: fine LJ, You win - sort of. i won't poison his dinner tonight, but You have to keep working in me to achieve this forgive and forget thing.

i'm still not there yet. but there's some thawing of the ice that formed around my heart.

the upside of restlessness at two a.m., i finally started watching downton abbey. honestly, i couldn't even get through episode one of the first season. i couldn't follow the conversation. it would be easier if they lost the british accent. (and this is coming from me. i have a thing for british accents! if husband had one, i'm sure it would help with the forgive and forget thing). thoughts? should i power through and keep watching??